"Dear Dad"

[Matt Pascoe]

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed
was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed.
It was addressed, "Dad".
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the
letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid
a scene with mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice-even with
all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes But it's
not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we would
be very happy.
Even though you wouldn't care for her, as she is so much older than
me, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood big
enough for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me,
and that's now one of my dreams too. Joan taught me that marijuana
doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with
her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime,
we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better;
she sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know
how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you
can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, John


PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my
report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you! Call when it
is safe for me to come home.

[Joe Dillard]