Internet forum guide to changing a lightbulb

[Paradiddle]

Copied from another forum.

How many messageboard readers does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed..

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently..

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs..

1 to demand it be moved to the Lighting section..

2 to argue that it be moved to the Electricals section..

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs..

5 to flame the spell checkers..

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames..

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid..

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"..

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct..

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum..

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum..

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty..

7 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs..

4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URLs..

3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group, which makes light bulbs relevant to this group..

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "me too"..

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy..

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"..

13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"..

and 1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

[Jeff McRae]

Love it! (and all too true)

BTW - they're "lamps" - "bulbs" are what you grow flowers from....

[TObject]

If you use fluorescent light bulbs, and they start to flicker, it is not necessarily the light bulb fault. You may need to replace the ballast, those go bad often, especially the older ones.

[Jeff McRae]

True. Most fluorescent LAMPS have a 40,000 hr life (assuming 3 hrs per start).

[Jeff McRae]

And to further confuse the issue:

For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers.

The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light.

First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere. The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room.

So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark Sucker. The dark which has been absorbed is then transmitted by pylons along to power plants where the machinery uses fossil fuel to destroy it.

A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range.

There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs can't handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating candle. This is easily proven for lightbulbs too. When you compress a gas, it gets hot, right? So the light bulb gets hot because of all the dark being squished into the wires.

Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. The is why it is called light.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet. So next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is not a light emitter but a Dark Sucker.



Jeff
(former Lighting Technical Manager, Fluor Corporation)

[TObject]

Probably explains why African American athletes are so good in running. Dark is faster.

[Jerry Bransford]

My son starts his junior scuba certification class next week... I can't wait to lay part of the above gem posting by Jeff onto him and see just how gullible a 13 year-old boy might be.

Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. The is why it is called light.

[TObject]

Hmm, I just realized, that this also explains why African American athletes are not so good in swimming sports. As the dark is heavier, they tend to sink more...

[Paradiddle]

Yeah - but Sergey - do African American's punch harder then white Russians???!!!

[TObject]

Yes. Faster + Heavier = Harder.

[Jerry Bransford]

Arrrggghhhh, Sergey has given us all the Evil Eye!!!

[Jeff McRae]

As long as he doesn't give us all shirts like that

make the room stop spinning now................

[Jerry Bransford]

Originally posted by Jerry Bransford
My son starts his junior scuba certification class next week... I can't wait to lay part of the above gem posting by Jeff onto him and see just how gullible a 13 year-old boy might be.

Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. The is why it is called light.

Heh, the above story went off really well at the dinner table last night. I had my 13 year old son, elderly mother, and wife really going on it, and they were unsure enough to not know if I was kidding or not. I guess that is what comes from me having spent most of my career in sales.