Jeep Thrills

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[JeepKat]

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[JeepKat]

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[JeepKat]

If Microsoft were GM

Microsoft should make cars, GM should make software:
At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating the following: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:

• For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
  
  Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
  
  Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.
  
  Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart; in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
  
  Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT.' Then you would have to buy more seats.
  
  Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was more reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
  
  The oil, water, temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car fault' warning light.
  
  New seats would force everyone to have the same back-end size.
  
  The airbag system would say 'Are you sure?' before going off.
  
  Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
  
  GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more.
  
  Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
  
  You'd press the 'Start' button to shut off the engine.
  

[JeepKat]

50 WAYS TO KNOW YOUR A REAL JEEP NUT

1. If you use a hose to clean the inside and the outside
2. When the best route from point A to point B is through the rockpile or over the mountain
3. When a scratch or a dent is a beauty mark
4. You roll it over and don't get upset
5. Your mom and sister can't get in without help
6. You judge every hill you see by how much fun it would be to climb
7. You puke when you see a RAV4
8. You get custom pin-striping from trail brush
9. When a low-rider Jeep pulls up next to you and you get out and bitch-slap the driver
10. If it takes more than 6 hours to get donuts
11. When you pull into the unplowed parking spots on snowy days
12. When you take your friends wheeling and they say "What trail -I don't see a trail!"
13. When you've been forced to add TJ, CJ, YJ and XJ to your spell-checker
14. When you can see OVER a Suburban
15. You carry emergency supplies and clothing because you never know where you will end up
16. When your Nerf bars battle rocks and win
17. When it rains and you don't care that your tops and doors are off
18. When you drive around to look at Christmas lights topless
19. When you change your plugs in the parking lot at work on a break
20. If your "Parts Dept." is on blocks behind your house
21. When you take your Mom wheeling and she has to help you flip the Jeep back onto its wheels, again
22. You use an ice-scraper on the INSIDE of the windshield
23. You get more heat from holes in the floorboards than through the heater vents
24. Every page of your repair manual has greasy fingerprints
25. Passengers scream "DON'T ROLL IT!" when you take them wheeling
26. You spend more time under your Jeep than under your significant other
27. Winter comes and your can't remember where you left the roof
28. You spend more on car washes than on insurance
29. Even worse the car wash won't let you in
30. You fix almost everything yourself
31. When you feel sorry for someone in a $60,000 Toyota Land Cruiser
32. When you have all your credit card numbers memorized
33. When you slam the door and chunks of dried mud crumble to the ground
34. If you get asked to pick up your co-workers in a snowstorm and get paid for it
35. You are the only one on the street who doesn't plow their driveway
36. You try to run the plow trucks off the road when it snows heavily
37. You can't hear your $200 stereo over the howl of your tires on the highway
38. You have a high-water mark INSIDE the Jeep
39. Any tire that isn't waist high looks like a bagel
40. You can't sneak into church late because the engine is too loud.
41. You carry along enough tools to supply a small garage
42. You nickname your Jeep after the noises it makes or it's most damaging trail accident
43. You carry along a replacement part for every drive component on the Jeep
44. You can air up your tires without stopping at a gas station.
45. You know how to reinforce the windshield frame near the wiper arm
46. You're constantly getting passed on the highway.
47. Your wallet is always empty.
48. When your boss's secretary calls to "recommend" that you wash your Jeep
49. When you finally wash the mud off, everyone thinks you bought a new Jeep
50. Your nickname at work is "JEEP"

[JeepKat]

Top 10 Reasons . . .

for having mechanical lockers in your Jeep (by Phil Jensen)
10. Occasional loud banging sound gives you an adrenaline rush that is better than coffee
9. Excellent opportunity to demonstrate your superior mechanical understanding to your
mechanic while explaining to him that, no . . . your rear end is not broken
8. Your significant other won't ask to borrow your Jeep, cuz they are afraid to drive it
after that parking lot incident
7. Lane changes no longer require all that annoying effort of actually having to turn
the steering wheel
6. Beating sports cars off the line on wet pavement
5. Having a 4X4 that actually turns more then two wheels
4. Single lane U-turns
3. Cool, brightly-colored "Warning: May Cause Injury or Death" stickers for your dash
2. No need to plow snow from your driveway . . . ever

And the Number One reason for having mechanical lockers in your Jeep:

1. Opens up a whole new and exciting hobby: Making fun of ARBs!!!

[Scott Hill]

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