You may be a redneck if..... (Long)

[DsrtJeeper]

These are pretty funny, and for those of you who know us they are all true.



I got this from a Jeff Foxworthy web site.

If you have the tools and the knowledge on how to get your Jeep unstuck
from
a large hole in your yard, you might be a redneck.

If you have the capability of getting your Jeep stuck in your yard, you
might
be a redneck.

If you actually get your Jeep stuck in your yard, you might be a redneck!
---------------------------------
and then the Top 10.........
10 -you think SPAM Shish-ka-bobs on a phillips screw driver taste good.
9 -you have ever had 2 wheels off the ground and said "We're in good
shape."
8 -you have ever "nuked" a microwave burrito on an intake manifold.
7 -you favorite cologne is "Eau de Unleaded" (91 octane).
6 -you have ever heard a counselor say "no I don't think 38 inch Boggers
will
work well under your wifes Ford Fiesta."
5 -you like mud cause "its high in minerals."
4 -every dent you put in your vehicle pops 2 dents out.
3 -you have to get the wheel barrow to clean your drive way off after you
wash your vehicle.
2 -you think "protection from the elements" (i.e. a top) is for wussies.

And the #1 sign you might be a Redneck Four Wheeler is:

1 - you have driven a vehicle for 10 hours straight
...and never exceeded 3 mph.
--------------------------------------
AND this is GOOD !............

Signs that you're a hard-core Four-wheeler:

- You find that you need a new house because you've
outgrown your garage and the neighbors are threatening
violence if you park one more vehicle on the street
or in the front yard.

- The requirements you give your real estate agent
are (in order of importance):
1) 8 car climate controlled garage with an attached shop, 8' high doors.
2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a crew
cab dually, a 28'enclosed trailer and a 34' 5th wheel.
3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your welder.
4) A grease pit.
5) Convenient to a hazardous waste disposal site.
6) Deaf neighbors.
7) Across the street from a paint and body shop.
8) Some sort of house with a working toilet and
shower on the property somewhere -or- hookups
for the motorhome

- Your email address refers to your truck rather than to you.
- You buy new parts because you don't know where you put the spares.
- You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought furniture for
your house!
- You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of parts
that could have been purchased.
- You look at the purchase of tools as a long term investment.
- Your garage holds more vehicles than your house has bedrooms.
- You have enough spare parts to build another truck.
- You have truck parts in your cubicle at work.
- Your Christmas list begins with another set of BFG
MTs and E-Z Locker and your 'significant other' knows what they are
- After your answer to "What did you do this weekend?" the
next question is always: "And you do this for fun? Right?"
- You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'.
- People know you by your "off"s". "Oh, you are the
one stuck in the mud at Fishing Creek last weekend!"
- You talk to other cars on the road, calling them by the manufacturer's
name.
- Your criteria for selecting a significant other include auto repair
skills.
Air tools optional.
- You plan your wedding around the club schedule.
- You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a snapped breaker
bar every other week or so.
- You give out 4wheel Parts Wholesalers number when a friend asks for
the best hardware store.
- You hate long distance driving, but you will gladly drive 800 miles to
the
trail.
- You save broken car parts as " mementos".
- You know the exact story behind every one! (see above)
- You would choose a rollbar over air conditioning if it were an option.
- Your idea of a good time is sitting around figuring out gear ratios
and the ideal crawl ratio for given situations.
- When someone refers to "The Good Book", you think of "The Jeep Owners
Bible"
- You own five Trucks and only one of them is street legal.
- There's a poster of Moab up on the wall next to the family portraits.
- Your video collection contains more wheelin videos then regular videos.
- Your friends call to tell you they found another way into the woods
rather than to see how your doing.
- You refer to "Friends" by the type of truck they drive rather than
names.
- You filled out the Top Truck Challenge Voting card but threw away the
Census 2000 forms.
- 90% of you work e-mail is wheelin related
- You keep trying to coerce your significant other to allow you to
remove the doors on the minivan.
- You refer to the local construction site as "The testing ground".
- You can remember how to get to every trail you've been on but get lost
going to your in-laws.
- "The Big Question" refers to Bogger or TSL.
- When someone says someone is Biased you immediately think of tires.
- Your truck no longer fits in the garage.
- Your truck has gone to supermodel status and doesn't leave the garage
for
any trail less than a 4+.
- Your daily driver is considered a mild trail rig.
- Drivers behind you can see the car in front of you, under the truck.
- The term "Open with Attitude" is tattooed on you, or you're thinking
about it.
- You base your next vehicle purchase on it's crawl ratio and what's
available for it in the aftermarket.
- People see pictures of your truck flexed out and ask "Is it broken?".
- You stopped washing your truck cause it shows off the scratches.
- Your boss asks you not to bring the truck to work anymore because it
won't
fit in the parking garage without the antenna scraping the ceiling.
- You've actually replaced a fluorescent light in the parking garage cause
your antenna hit it.
- Your club web site is your homepage.
- You are in search of a house that borders state forest and refuse to buy
anything that's not even remotely close to it.
- You'll drop a couple grand on new axles but the kitchen sink still
leaks.
- The vacation pictures are all off-road.
- You ALLWAYS have your drinks on the rocks!
- You look at an open area in the woods and can determine the best line.
- You base your social class on your recent RTI score rather than how much
money you make.
- Working on your truck is considered relaxation.
- Everytime you see a lowered truck you wanna get out and slap the driver
silly.
- You look at other cars and think to yourself "I can crawl over that".
- You consider Rubicon as the holy land.
- Tellico no longer scares you.
- You carry more parts to the trail than home.
- You've installed or though about installing a lift on the lawn mower.
- You consider anything without 4wd-Useless.
- Your ideal vehicle is a Unimog.
- Your truck cost as much as an Italian sports car.
- When someone mentions "Xtreme" your eyes light up!
- Motivation involves someone saying "you can't make it".

And the #1 Sign you're a hard-core wheeler:

It's not considered a good trail ride if nothing breaks! Ain't that the
TRUTH.