The Guys' Rules

[JeepKat]

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!!

[speaceman]

Originally posted by JeepKat
The Guys' Rules

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Man, I bet the divorce rate would be so much smaller if women understood just the above 4 things.

Almost every fight I have ever had with my wife was a result of me following one of the above four and her being unhappy with it.

[Robert J. Yates]

Originally posted by JeepKat
[B]1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. [B]

:clapping:

[TObject]

A guy solution to the toilet seat problem: spring load the thing so that the seat raises as soon as you get up.

All health insurance plans cover breast augmentation surgeries.

There is no need to tie the tie and keep the zipper zipped up.

All women share the same name ? for ease of communication.

All women are allergic to gold, precious stones, and fur.

All phones automatically hung up after 30 seconds.

All that's required to undo a bra is a light blow of breath.

"Beer muscles" instead of "Beer belly"

Socks can only exist in pairs. When left at different places, they crawl towards each other automatically.

Bikini is the ideal suit for a businesswoman. And non-business too.

Garbage bags take out themselves. All that's required is giving the garbage bag a kick.

[Joe Dillard]

I think these are all written in the Bible somewhere. Just after the 10 Commandments I believe.

[cbremer]

Originally posted by Joe Dillard
I think these are all written in the Bible somewhere. Just after the 10 Commandments I believe.

must've been the tablet that got dropped (i think moses' wife coated it with butter )

[William]

Originally posted by JeepKat
The Guys' Rules
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

If only these were accepted rules!

[William]

Originally posted by speaceman
Man, I bet the divorce rate would be so much smaller if women understood just the above 4 things.

Almost every fight I have ever had with my wife was a result of me following one of the above four and her being unhappy with it.

I agree, especially the first on your cut list.